Underway
by Foodwise
Summary: Continuation of 'Whatever people say about falling in love'. Sara and Sofia start into their newfound relationship. But nobody said it would be easy, did they?
1. Chapter 1

**CSI:LV, M, Romance, Sara Sidle/Sofia Curtis**

**Disclaimer: CSI, its characters, places, and situations are the property of Jerry Bruckheimer Television, Alliance Atlantis, and CBS Productions. This story was written for entertainment not monetary purposes. Original characters, and this story, are intellectual property of the author. Any similarities to existing characters, fictional or real, living or dead, are coincidental and no harm is intended.**

**Notes: It took me some time to decide whether this was a wise decision or not. But then the thought wouldn't get out of my head anymore. So here we go.**

**This is a continuation of 'Whatever people say about falling in love'. I know I should be working on 'Objects', but I have **_**a lot**_** of things to work through to get the next chapter(s) finished and I should work on that little R&I fic, but that's biting my ass, too. And those are not the only stories I'm juggling here right now. I'm practically bursting with ideas. So I'm using this to distract but ground me, like I did with its prequel while I wrote 'Mistakes'.**

**I tried to maintain the slow pace I set and not let things get as explicit as I usually would. Still this is rated M for adult themes and sexual situations. But overall it's ****going to stay fairly tame. I save the naughty bits for revisiting Eli and Sara some time soon. And again this is Sara's POV. Practically nothing's changed and surprisingly, we pick up exactly where we left off. **

**Don't expect me to update every few days. Because I won't. It takes as long as it takes and I'm gonna take great care with this sequel because I like the initial story so much.**

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><p><strong>Underway<strong>

**A continuation of 'Whatever people say about falling in love'**

1.

"You taste so much better when you're not angry." Sofia swoons over me, yes, she swoons, and leans a bit back, breathing in deeply with her eyes still shut tightly.

"Come again?" I grin.

And then it falls like scales from my eyes. All the things I still hadn't allowed myself to see in her, not even during those past three weeks, when I had at least finally admitted my attraction to Sofia. No, when I had admitted to falling in love with her.

I stand stock still and stare at her while she licks her lips and tries to explain herself.

"Behind the PD, we'd both been so angry. It was unexpected and hasty and rough, all need and anger. And the kiss was more of a battle, and it was as if I could taste that it wasn't how it was supposed to be. I- I was out of control. Mind you, so were you. And you can be wild. I don't know if it's safe to say that but that was hot. Okay, it was more than just hot. It was breathtaking and exhilarating and I already know if we'll ever be having make-up sex, I'd want you to still be a bit angry, at least in the beginning. And you tasted angry. Now you just taste sweet and relaxed and tangy and of coffee and-"

"Sofia."

Her eyes fly open and she looks at me a bit embarrassed.

"Stop rambling."

Her cheeks redden and she realises she's been babbling.

"Too much? Too soon?"

She's adorable when she's insecure. A minute or so ago she gave me the smuggest smile at finally having me where she wanted me for so long and now she's not even sure of what she might be allowed to say yet or rather not.

I just smile.

"Let's not talk about hot angry make-up sex just now. Though right back at ya, you know, the hot when angry part. But for now, just sit with me a little longer. I want to look at you. Just really look at you. Because I only just realised how much I like watching you."

The smirk is right back in place.

"I-"

But I shush her with two fingers to her lips.

"No smug remarks now. And stop fidgeting. Why do I have the feeling that I'm suddenly the calm one?"

Her expression grows serious and open.

"Because you are. I- I'm a mess right now, Sara. I've wanted for this moment to happen for so damn long and now that it's finally here, on the one hand I want it all at once, I just want to kiss you, hold you, take your hand and drag you home and- you know- and on the other hand I don't know what to do at all. I want to savour this moment, follow your lead, go with the pace you set, be careful with you, steeling myself not to look disappointed if you tell me to sleep at my own place tonight, I want to make you feel save and not pressured. I'm out of my depth. Because I really care."

I lean in and softly kiss her again.

"I know. Shall I take the lead? I think I can do that. Astonishingly. Would you feel more comfortable if I told you along which lines I was thinking?"

She exhales and beams at me relieved.

"Very much so. Tell me, what happens now?"

"Now, we drink up, pay our tabs and give Marty a big fat hug, because he's just the best and he bore with me all this time though he knew the outcome long before I did. Then we'll walk to our cars and if you'll like that, I'd want you to come to my place. And then I'm gonna get you something to sleep in, we'll both go through our routines and then we're going to go to bed. And you can hold me or I will hold you, the only thing I know for sure is that I want you close tonight and that is all I need from you right now. I want to know it's real. I want to know how you feel, how you look when you fall asleep, if you snore or move in your sleep. And tomorrow, we'll find out where to go from here. Okay?"

"Sara?"

The look in Sofia's eyes is almost indescribable and I get lost in it. Those eyes are telling me so much this very moment. She's content, but exited, nervous, but also so very compliant. For a second a look of pure desire darkens the icy blue and I'm not so sure if I just imagined it or if it was really there. I so want it to be there. I laid out the plan, but if she looks at me like that again, I'm very likely to not take it as slow as planned. Of course we're both adults and we could simply stumble into bed and give in to our needs, but that'd be neglecting all the insecurities that are still there. I don't want an affair, I'm not in it just for the sex though I'm definitely looking forward to that part, but I think I know now that I want all of Sofia and I want it one thing at a time. To savour it, to make the anticipation grow, to ease us into this new realm. Suddenly I notice that I haven't been reacting, side-tracked by my thoughts.

"Huh?" I utter eloquently.

"I think that sounds quite perfect to me."

So that's what we did. We pay and say bye to Marty and put our jackets on to leave, on the way to the door Sofia reaches for my hand, interlacing our fingers, squeezing a bit and smiling at me.

I grin back, looking at our comfortably joined hands.

She pulls me to a halt just outside the bar.

"Could you pinch me? It kinda hasn't sunken in yet, despite everything in there."

I give her my best astonished expression.

"Who are you, woman, and what have you done to Sofia Curtis, bad-ass, smug and very forward Detective?"

She pouts, I think I've never seen that look on her face before, pushes her lower lip forward and looks at me accusingly, but humorous.

"What? I don't get to be insecure at times? Because I am and you know it. You even said it, I'm just as afraid as you are, though for different reasons. I have my attitude and it works like a charm most of the time, even when sometimes I use it to convince myself of my strength just as much as others, but that's by far not all I am. So pinch me, please?"

And once again I know I've made the right decision.

"I know something much better than pinching. Something way more convincing. Trust me?"

"Yes."

There's no hesitation, not for a milisecond.

"Feel that?"

I take her hand that was wrapped around mine and press it against my chest, right over my heart and leave my own hand on hers. Just with the slight touch, its beat increases.

"Mh-hm."

As much as I want to keep on staring into her ocean blue eyes that are fixed at my own, I ask her to close them and she does.

There's no one in the bar's parking lot but us, Marty is closing up behind us. It's 3:30AM on a Tuesday morning, there's a soft breeze and the only sound is the flapping of the banner-ad of the 7/11 across the street.

Slowly I lift my free hand to her face and let just the very tip of my fingers ghost over her cheek.

I didn't lie when I said I just want to watch her. And right now she is breathtakingly beautiful as her lips part a bit and she starts breathing through her mouth. I flatten my palm to the side of her face and she leans into the touch, just the fraction of an inch. A strain of blonde hair flitters into her face and I brush it back behind her ear, then run my fingers over the shell. When I see and feel her tremble and suck in some air, I'm mesmerized by the amount of vulnerability she lets me see. With her eyes closed, every emotion is written on her face so clearly. Trust and anticipation, a little bit of fear and surprise, but also contentment and need. Much like her eyes before, her face is an equally open book for me now. My finger tips run down her jaw line and then I brush my thumb across her lower lip that feels a bit chapped, dry. I lean in and let the air that escapes my lips at my following words warm her while my hand goes to the side of her neck.

"I am here and I'm in this, completely. You've done it, you've won me over."

And then I kiss her again, softly, slowly, reverently, tasting her lips, nibbling, playfully licking the dryness away, trying to coax her into parting her lips more and when she does and our tongues meet, she moans into my mouth, gripping the shirt at my back tightly, bunching the fabric in her clenching fingers as she pulls me closer.

That's Sofia to me now. A different person, a private person. The same woman but in a completely new light. Womanly, tactile, shy, so receptive, warm as she presses closer, one hand still on my heart, the other between my shoulder blades now as she deepens the kiss, but never tries to take the control over it from me, she still lets me set the pace. When our lips part to give us a chance to breathe again, she lets her forehead rest against mine.

"So much better than a pinch."

I snicker and wrap my arms around her waist, underneath her coat.

"Oh yes."

Finally we look at each other. Her pupils are dilated and her cheeks glow.

"You're so beautiful when you're lowering that guard." I whisper.

She grins and her glance flickers to the floor before she meets my eyes again.

"Bed?" I suggest with a wink of my eyes.

She lifts one brow and a bit of the familiar humorous cockiness creeps back into her features.

"I thought you'd never ask."

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><p><strong>Sequels can be tricky, I'm aware of that. So let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Oh honey, I don't think I feel so very okay right now... Now, get out of my head again, don't wake up the sleeping dogs in there... They might produce much more (almost) angstless fluff in this literary hug I'm writing myself. You obviously got the idea of a sequel lodged inside my thoughts. And I'm in serious, serious need of something, anything angst- and heartbreakless. For now. 'Cos life sucks.

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><p>2.<p>

It's amazing to witness just how at home Sofia seems to feel at my place. She places her car keys with mine in the bowl by the door and hangs her jacket over a hook before she turns left to the kitchenette, drinking right from the tab again.

"Sorry, so thirsty from those salty nuts."

This time I brush the drops away from her chin. She freezes at the touch and I know exactly why, because it's obviously the same thing I'm experiencing. It's like a current is running through us. She captures my hand and pulls me in and I back her against the sink, my hands placed firmly on the counter at each side of her hips, trapping her there before our mouths crash together. For a minute there's nothing I can do or think, there's a hunger consuming us that I hadn't realised was there before. We kiss each other breathless, her hands roaming my back, my sides, touch places she has never touched before, but strategically avoiding any hot spots. She's good, she's subtle, but demanding, needy, but restrained enough to enjoy the journey. I arch my back and groan, leaning forward into her body, covering it with mine. I want her, now, with the same mad intensity I had once before. Closer, naked, fast and inside me. I push away a bit, break the kiss but let my mouth hover very close to hers. Teasing. She tries to capture my lips again but I lean back, don't let her close the minimal distance. It's a dance, a game. Her eyes sparkle as her tongue darts out and brushes my upper lip. I allow it for half a second, then dodge the contact again and she growls, tangles her hand in my hair and pulls gently.

Her stare is wild and the want is clear now in her eyes and I know mine reflect the same need.

But... This is not what it's about. This is not _all_ it is supposed to be about.

I groan again when I realise that in a moment, I'm going to hate myself for what I'm about to do.

But Sofia has already seen the change in my eyes.

She closes her eyes quickly, pressing them shut, then takes a deep breath.

"Too much, too soon." She huffs without increasing the distance between our faces.

I sigh. And nod, dropping my head onto her shoulder. She hugs me tight to herself.

"It's really not that I don't really, really want you right now. But I want you to know that that's not what it's about for me, I don't want you to be afraid that I'm taking advantage of you, that all I want is a quick lay and that's it. We've almost been there once." I mumble into her shirt. Damn, I feel really guilty for having let this spin out of control so quickly. But then I feel her body shake and rumbling laughter erupt from her throat.

"Sara, really? We practically assaulted each other that one night and you left me high and dry. Then it took us so long to even talk about what was happening and you left again, but that time I knew what it was all about. You've taken your time to come to the decision you made tonight and I'm very aware of where you stand now. You said it. This is real. So, no, I'm not afraid you're going to run away anymore. And I'm perfectly fine with what you suggested earlier, but to be honest, you might have wanted me for some time too now, consciously or not, but I've been there way longer."

She stretches the second last word and laughs again.

"And after the last couple of minutes, I'm going to explode if you don't do something about this fucking tension. I swear the minute you fall asleep I'm going to take care of it myself if you don't. And I'm not gonna wake you up to watch."

My head whips up and I face her sporting the smuggest smirk I have ever seen on her face.

"Not that I'm opposed to the general idea, but damn it Sara, I'd rather have you-" She braces herself, realising what she was just about to blurt out.

I gulp and though I am looking at her, I'm not. The scenario I have in mind clouds my actual vision.

By now she snorts with laughter.

"Earth to Sara?"

I blink, twice and feel a certain heat creep into my cheeks. Oh, I'm so busted. Sofia kisses me again, lightly. "All in good time, okay?" And she chuckles again while pressing another kiss to my smiling lips.

"Okay, I'm going to take the lead now and you have nothing else to do but go with it. Come one."

She tugs at my hand and makes a beeline for my bedroom.

"Sofia-"

"Shush."

"Did you just-"

"Shush you? Yes."

She heads straight for my shirt drawer and I'm not even surprised at her familiarity with my place anymore. She's slept here before, on the couch, but anyway, she's taken numerous showers here, we've eaten, talked and watched movies here as well as at her place. I actually like it that we know each other's spaces that well already. Less awkwardness.

We know each other. We're friends. I've told her things I wouldn't tell someone I've just met or considered as relationship material. Even after her initial confession, we've talked about pretty personal stuff. Now this does feel a little awkward after all.

I get shaken out of my thoughts as a tank top hits my head.

"Hey, dreamer. I'm going to take a shower now. I'll be quick so you can get one, too, before the warm water runs out."

She saunters over and now barefoot, she gets up on her tiptoes to kiss me again. And what a kiss. If I was to guess, the kiss said 'I wouldn't mind if you followed me into that shower of yours.'

"Did Red get your tongue? What's the matter, Sara?"

What's the matter? I'm completely overwhelmed here! Hello? Made life-changing decision, took new girlfriend home without hesitation, made out in the kitchen, stopped just to be told that there was no more stopping tonight and then said brand new girlfriend took over my apartment. That's the matter.

Girlfriend? I. Have. A. Girlfriend. Okay- don't freak, just don't freak.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I hear Sofia's voice like through a thick fog, distant and fuzzy. I'm having trouble breathing, I'm-

Shit!

"Whoa, hey, sit down, come one, sit down, head between your knees. Sara! Sara, listen, I think you're having something like a panic attack. Sara, you're freakin' scaring me, sit down now."

I take a controlled, slow and rattling breath and my vision is still blurry, Sofia's voice still faint but I'm not hyperventilating anymore. There's no reason for this, I got this. I got this.

"I'm fine. I was just-"

Sofia exhales soundly as I focus on her again and send her a weak smile.

"God! Good. What just happened?" She asks tentatively.

"I think I'm gonna settle for cuddling tonight. I'm sorry. It's just more to process for me than I thought. I really didn't want to scare you, the reality of the situation just kinda crashed down on me. Feel free to do whatever you feel the need to do, but please wait until I've fallen asleep, I don't even want to imagine that right now."

Sofia snickers and captures my hands in hers.

"Hey, I was kinda just joking when I said that. Just tell me what you need right now. No pressure at all. And if you need me to leave for tonight, you can tell me. It's okay, it is a lot to take in after all... you know."

"No, I don't want you to leave, I need you here. Just- let's just get into bed and sleep. We can take a shower in the morning. I just wanna feel you close to me, so don't leave."

"Which side of the bed to you usually sleep in?"

Sofia asks as she picks up the just discarded shirt and walks to the foot of the bed.

I pause.

"Uh, left to middle, I'd say. I do shift a lot. I got used to sleeping alone in a big bed."

She looks at me, the turns and approaches the right side of my bed before catching my gaze again. Then she starts to undress herself.

I'm rooted to the spot, I know I'm staring unabashed, but I can't help myself. She unbuttons her blouse, lets it slide down her arms, then grabs the hem of her undershirt and pulls it over her head.

With a smile, she turns her back towards me and unclasps her bra, discards it onto the growing heap of clothes on the floor, picks up the sleep shirt and slips into it. I involuntarily groan in disappointment as the expanse of lightly tanned skin is covered again so quickly. She makes quick work of her pants and steps out of them before she turns to face me again.

What she sees when she looks at me does obviously seem to amuse her. She crosses the distance between us quickly and pecks me on the cheek.

"Better. At least now some of the colour has returned to your face. Your turn."

I clear my throat and look at her stunned.

"Er, okay. Why do you get to wear a big shirt and I only get a tight tank top?"

She grins.

"The truth?"

"Duh. Of course."

"Because you look hot in those."

"Fair enough."

I seem to have found my equilibrium again. I slowly walk over to _my_ side of the bed and undress exactly the same way Sofia just had. And she gazes at me just as intensely as I just stared at her.

"You have amazing legs. Amazing."

"Sofia."

Her eyes find mine again after they seem to be contemplating just how quickly they want to look away from my legs.

"Bed."

"Oh, yeah."

As she slips under the covers beside me and scoots closer, it's the warmth that's radiating from her body that reaches me first. She leaves a bit of space between us, but leans down to kiss me. A long, tender, sweet kiss. I pull her in and our legs entangle almost automatically, the first touch of skin on skin exiting, breathtaking, but also oddly calming. I'm on my back now and Sofia is curled into my side, her head resting on my shoulder, my hand in her hair, hers on my stomach, under the covers, but above the tank.

"Can you sleep like this?"

"Hmm..." she murmurs.

"This feels good. Right."

"It'd feel much better if we weren't wearing any clothes."

"Hey."

"Mm, okay. Hold me?"

I lift my head up and frown.

"Erm, I already do."

"Right." She snuggles deeper into my arms.

"But I could kiss you again."

"I'm irresistible." She states proudly and wriggles a bit against my side.

"Don't overdo it. A good night kiss."

There's some more kissing. Some more shifting to find the right position. I breathe in and memorize that scent. I feel content and calmed. I'm good. Then I'm out like a light.

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><p><strong>I just couldn't help myself. Next wait's gonna be much longer. Despite anything any review could contain. Don't let that stop you from writing them though.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, this turned out to be a rather productive weekend. Catching a cold in the middle of a very lacking summer (or should I say early autumn, cos that's what it feels like) can have its benefits. So here's the next chapter, already. Enjoy the fluff. As long as it lasts...**

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><p>3.<p>

My phone goes off with a very distinct guitar opening and then raging drums.

Ugh! No, not today...

No, no, no! It's way too early, I feel like I've just fallen asleep minutes ago.

The little speaker rattles and blares the track into the perfect silence of my bedroom and Sofia's head snaps up disoriented, alarmed and pretty groggy.

_"Wake up (wake up)  
>Grab a brush and put on a little make-up<em>

_Hide the scars to fade away the shake-up  
>Why d'you leave the keys upon the ta-..."<em>

"Sidle. Uh, yeah. - No, okay, I understand, I'm awake now. Give me an hour. Yes, Grissom, I'll be there. Bye."

I fall back into the cushions and groan. A warm hand snakes under my shirt and simply rests on my stomach. I begin to smile. At least there's something good about this morn- early afternoon.

"Hey." I mutter as Sofia lifts her head up again, her expression more serene now. "Oh my god, you're adorable when you've just woken up." I blurt out in awe upon taking in her ruffled state.

I roll over and into her side. She gazes at me out of sleepy baby blue eyes, her hair is considerably tousled and she's got pillow creases on her left cheek. I run my fingers over the fine criss-cross lines and she turns her head and places a soft kiss into my palm.

"Umpf. Yeah, I'm not. I look a mess. Don't look too closely. And by the way, hate your ringtone. Too loud, annoying."

"I need to hear it even when I'm deep asleep."

"Well, _I_ definitely heard it."

"Just try and be cute for one more minute, okay?"

Her arms wrap around my neck and she rolls on top of me. Oh God.

"Just one?" She whines before she leans down and kisses me. "What's the emergency anyway? Do you _have_ to go?"

I simply ignore her question, I revel in her weight on me, the feel of her naked legs sliding over mine, our combined warmth, only two thin layers of fabric between our sleep heated skins.

I remember mornings like this. Remember waking up to someone sleeping beside me or cuddled up into me. I even remember how it used to feel when it was new. When I just had to stare at the sleeping face of a new lover, partner and couldn't tear my gaze away from them until they awoke. I remember kisses in the wee hours of morning, or afternoon, not caring about brushed teeth or sleep-swollen eyes, just joy and need and a fair amount of lust. I remember rushing to the bathroom quickly, then throwing my clothes off and engaging in some, you know... Somehow it's really good after having just woken up. At least I always felt that way.

But I also remember thinking I'd never feel that again, never have that again. I remember tears and the all-consuming sadness. I remember stubbornly accepting that fact and thinking: better this way than ever open myself up for the possibility to experience that pain I was feeling ever again. I remember burying my face in Red's fur and inwardly begging to forget remembering how good it used to feel one day and just be content with being on my own.

But gazing up into this pair of sparkling blue eyes now, on the first morning together, I already know that if we were ever to go our separate ways, it's gonna hurt like nothing ever before. How did this even happen so fast? How can I be so sure? It's just so like me to think about a potential negative outcome when we're just getting started. I've only made the decision to give _us _a try less then24 hours ago. We're just getting started. This is only just the very beginning.

Well, maybe I did not make the decision quite consciously, but maybe I made it longer ago then I thought.

I decide not to waste a single thought on all the 'what ifs' and 'maybes' that usually run through my mind anymore, if I can possibly manage. She's right here with me, that's all I need for now. Damn, I need her.

"Okay, five minutes." I capture her lips again and let my hands roam down over the fabric of the wide shirt, feeling the muscles underneath, to the small of her back to run them under the hem. Her skin is soft and I can feel the goose bumps rise when my hands make their way beneath the waistline of her panties, over the swell of her backside and I still them on her butt, merely letting them rest there.

I have no idea where this sudden boldness comes from. I feel the firm, well-rounded cheeks under my motionless hands, I feel the muscles there tense and then relax, as if waiting to kneaded, to be lone subject of my attention. It's a thing I have. I have a thing for - behinds. And Sofia's has caught my eye on many occasions. Mostly when clad in dark slacks and she's swaggering down a hallway, towards her unmarked Sedan on a crime scene, on her way to interrogate a suspect, in her tight jogging pants when she's trying to outdistance me, walks up the stairs in front of me...

Geez, I guess I do have a very good idea why my hands are where they are.

"Sara!" She utters in a warning tone between heated kisses. I chuckle throatily and squeeze gently and she jerks first, then quickly maneuvers one of her thighs between my legs.

I gasp. "You're not playing fair." I splutter out when she falls into a slow rocking motion against me. But automatically my hands try finding a better grip on her ass and intensify the friction.

No such luck, Sofia laughs, plants one last kiss on my lips, slips out of my grasp and then climbs off me and out the bed.

"Hey!" Now I try to protest, but no avail. She gives me a longing look, but shushes me with a grin. Again.

"Come on, take a shower, I'm gonna get some coffee ready. Don't let Grissom wait." She tries to comb her fingers through her hair, then sighs. "And I'd rather not do that in a hurry." She points at me and the bed. "See it as some kind of appetizer." And she's off into the kitchen.

Appetizer, my ass. I stretch and try to smother my now raging libido begrudgingly but mercilessly with a huge imaginary cushion, roll out of bed groaning, grab some fresh work clothes and head to the bathroom.

As I reemerge from the shower releasing a cloud of steam into the living room, I immediately pick up on the smell of fresh coffee and eggs.

"Perfect timing." Sofia says as she slides some scrambled eggs onto a plate and adds some still warm whole-wheat toast. I gaze at her stunned, stopping in the middle of the process of toweling my hair dry.

"I thought you couldn't cook? Have you been holding out on me, Sofia Curtis?"

She just points at the waste basket.

"I got lucky on the second try. I _know_ how to cook, I just don't usually do it, so I tend to screw up even the simplest of dishes. I thought you deserved a decent breakfast though, having been called in early."

I throw the towel carelessly over the back of a chair, tie my hair in a loose ponytail and deliver a delighted kiss to her lips.

"You're..." I pause right in front of her while she's still holding the pan with her portion and smiles at me cheekily.

"I'm-? I'm listening, Sara." She husks demandingly.

I consider to be very, very late for work.

Sofia's eyes widen at my hungry look and she takes a step back from me with a brisk chuckle, emptying the remaining contents of the pan onto a second plate.

"You can't have me for breakfast, not today. You can't Sara. Sara!" She squeals as I wrench the offending cooking utensils out of her hands and let them clatter haphazardly onto the work surface before sweeping her up in a heated, hard kiss.

Her hands grab the collar of my bathrobe tightly as she presses up and into me.

"Eggs." She presses out as she gasps for air. "Getting cold." I give her no chance to utter even one single syllable more. I can't get enough of her right now. Of her lips on mine, her tongue brushing over and dancing around mine, tangling, dueling, teasing. An she's such a tease. I knew she would be. Always giving me not quite enough, not all I want. Challenging me to just take it. I moan aloud as her mouth suddenly leaves mine and she tugs at my hair and tilts my head back, kissing down to my chin, then my throat. I close my eyes and all I can feel are her tongue, her lips, her whole mouth on my skin, her hands making their way down the back of my rope and around to the sashes at the front. Hungry and frantic has gone to a sensual and slow burn within the blink of an eye and tingling arousal creeps heatedly up on me with a full body blush. Fingers are toying with my robe, then they are wandering over my stomach with a fleeting touch until they stop right beneath my breast. By now I'm almost openly panting.

"We gotta stop. We really oughta- We-"

She falls silent as pull her shirt collar aside, nearly busting the seams and deliver a quick bite to her shoulder muscle. I feel her knees almost buckle and she groans out.

"Oh God!"

Ah, _good_ to know.

I kiss the spot softly and try my luck again, this time I bite a little harder and longer and Sofia practically melts into my arms, shuddering.

"I'm gonna remember this, you know? I'm going to memorise it all. A little sensitive, right there?" I do it again and the second I release her skin, Sofia sucks in a huge breath and puts some distance between us.

"Sweet Jesus!" She staggers away from me, but not without making sure my bathrobe is kinda covering me again, squinting her eyes and raising an accusing finger.

"You! I said I'm not for breakfast!"

I rake my own eyes over her retreating form, my gaze stumbling upon very visible peaks underneath the large shirt, then her naked legs and finally up to her eyes again.

"Somehow it is pretty hard to accept that."

She doesn't stop her retreat even though her eyes are still following the opening of my rope that reveals most of my upper body despite still covering my breasts until her hand is on the doorknob to the bathroom.

"I get that, believe me, I _sooo_ understand. But you gotta work. Work, Sara. Now eat and excuse me while I'm taking a very cold shower."

With that the door slams shut.

Groaning I turn to face the table and ignore that nagging voice inside that whines childishly.

_I don't wanna go to work today!_

* * *

><p>And what a work day.<p>

Cause for the early wakeup call was a massive pile-up with several casualties and all shifts spent hours collecting and sampling, tagging and logging in evidence. It's painful leg work under the still blazing sun, I feel the skin of my arms, neck and nose redden, my sun-screen bottle empty on the floor of my Denali behind the driver's seat. I straighten up, groaning, stretch my strained legs and pop my neck, the near constant crouching getting to me. I'm gonna be so relieved once they've hauled the wrecks to the lab and I can take them further apart in the air-conditioned garage.

I'm glad that in my frustration this afternoon I did at least eat those eggs and toast, otherwise I would have had to go on an empty stomach for the rest of the day and most of the night.

Around 3AM I'm pulled off the mass car crash case and reluctantly I shed my oil and grease stained coveralls and wash off the reminders of lying beneath a car for the last five hours before I don the emergency set of clothes from my locker, this evenings clothes being sweated through and totally covered in dust.

I get Greg to tag along and he happily obliges, not being too fond of having to help out the labs who are severely understaffed due to a strange flu that knocked a couple of technicians out cold this week.

In the car on our way to the 24/7 supermarket with the DB in their warehouse, he eyes me suspiciously from the passenger seat, craning his neck, then shifting his whole body facing towards me. My grip on the steering wheel tightens.

Greg knows me well. Obviously maybe a little too well.

"So how is it?" He asks, and even though I'm not looking at him, I can hear the smirk colouring his voice to a lighter, amused tone.

"How's what?" I reply, feigning innocence.

"Ah, well, you know, blond on brunette, lots of moans and sighs, the usual."

He chuckles openly and my right hand let's go of the wheel to punch him everywhere I can reach without either taking my eyes off the road or causing the car to swerve off the lane.

"You're-", punch, "such a-", punch, "pig,-", punch, "Greg!" final punch.

"Owowow!" He tries to swat my hands away and leans back into the window. "But I'm right, ain't I? You- I dunno how to describe it, but- you radiate, Sar. You're oozing the happy. Caught you humming in the garage earlier, too."

I frown and try to recall that I did. I know I do that, unconsciously, but usually at some point I catch up with my own brain going astray. Today I didn't. I can't remember humming, nor what I hummed.

Trust Greg to enlighten me.

He starts humming, way too high to sound anything but screechy and then bursts into the chorus in a strained falsetto:

_'Suddenly I see_

_This is what I wanna be_

_Suddenly I see_

_Why the hell it means so much to me_

_Suddenly I see...'_

I punch him again, but with less purpose, a big smile spreading involuntarily over my face.

"Oh, shut it!"

I chance a look at him at the next red light and unlike the saucy grin I had expected, I see my friend smiling calmly and contently at me.

"I'm happy for you, I really am. She's made an amazing catch, you know that, don't you?"

I love this Greg.

I see the light turn green and push the pedal down, my eyes firmly on the road again.

"So did I." I mumble, knowing he'll catch it anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, yep, the lyrics are not mine, I don't own'em, just borrowed. First is System of a Down's fabulous 'Chop Suey! and the second is KT Tunstall's 'Suddenly I see'.<strong>

**Now, now, my lovelies, reward me for my swiftness... Uh, in such a good mood today!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I've seriously gone crazy. Four multi-chapter-fics I am working on simultaneously and I have yet to finish a fic for another challenge that is due in only two days... **

**Then I have multiple applications pending, some even in other cities so I may have to drive around the country for interviews and I'm afraid this might be the last update for this story in probably a fortnight or more. It's late and I'm sure I could've done a better job editing or adding a thing here and there, but it's all I've got in me for now and I'm tired and wanted to get this out. If it sucks I apologise and will do better in chapter 5.**

* * *

><p>4.<p>

"Hey Sanders, hey Sar."

Sofia is at the scene and after this night, I can't help but smile widely at the sight of her. I have missed her. After just a couple of hours, I'd already been missing her. A. Lot. Greg chuckles and shoves me playfully.

"Well, good morning, Det. Curtis." Greg drawls, shooting us both meaningful glances.

I can practically see Sofia gulp. On our way over to the dead guy buried by a stillage of flour, Sofia pulls at my arms so that we fall a bit behind.

"Why did you tell him? It's not even 36 hours that we're together, Sara. Greg of all people! The whole lab will know by tomorrow night, the department the day after that. I am not out, Sara, and I don't want to be."

The irritation and fear in her glance throws me. I don't mind the accusation, I can explain that and I know she'll believe me. What frightens me is how adamant and frightened she sounds about her status. It sounds too much like she'll _never_ want to go public. Those thoughts never crossed my mind before. Not that I'm telling everyone I meet, but I wouldn't hide it if anyone figured me or us out.

"Fia, calm down. This is neither the time nor the place..."

She snaps at me. "Damn, I know, but why, Sara?"

By now I am getting angrier, too.

"Greg figured me out all by himself. You know that I am close with him. He just saw that something had changed and asked me pretty directly. BUT, listen to me, he won't utter a word. He knows the consequences if he slips, believe me, I can be just as intimidating as you are sometimes when I want to. As for the rest, that's a topic for another discussion."

She looks a little less freaked out and nods, smacking her lips and grimacing.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jump at you like I did. I just had a rough night and Greg was just being Greg and I know you trust him for a reason. It is actually good to see you. You wouldn't believe how good."

I lick my lips and smilingly watch her eyes dart down to my mouth. "Oh, I think I might have a vague idea, Det. Curtis."

My anger evaporates as quickly as it came. We grin at each other before we reach Greg who stands waiting for us, his expression professional again. Sofia throws me one last glance before she also slips into Detective-mode and recollects the facts for us.

First crisis averted. For now. We will have to talk about this, but two days into a relationship is surely not the time. Though I can't help the warning sign popping up in my head.

All the time it had taken me to decide and yet I never thought about anyone but me. Sofia seemed so convinced, so honestly falling for me, wanting me that it never occurred to me that it might have been just about me. I never cared to think ahead. I certainly wouldn't care if one day, when things turn out to develop like I think they might, tell the guys about us. I trust them to simply be happy for us and to not give us a hard time about it. Even Nick, who's a bit of a conservative, republican even, has never held any prejudices in this matter I knew of. But CSI is a close-knit family. And since Sofia is PD, in the end not even Ecklie has to know. But of course the department is different. Sofia has to work with a vast number of other Detectives, officers, beat cops even and they all need to respect her and more off, understand her as a figure of authority. And those guys come from all walks of life, all backgrounds and I know for a fact that lots of them are pretty narrow-minded. So somehow, I can understand. Damn, I really do. Why did I never thought about that, that's as much my problem now as it is Sofia's? Can I live with that? Hiding our affair, always looking over our shoulders when we're out and about in Vegas? Is it really way too early to think about something that's probably months in the future?

I frown while Greg and I continue to collect evidence while Sofia questions the workers. And finally decide to let it slip for now. We'll talk about it, calmly and rationally, when the time will come to address this topic again.

* * *

><p>The death by flour is ruled accidental and by the time I finally get to clock out, the sun is already high in the sky and I feel like shit. I'm hungry, starving almost, but I don't think I still have the energy left to even stop for a breakfast to go. I trot towards my car in the parking lot when I see Sofia leaning against it, already changed into more casual clothing than she usually wears for work, hair damp, a paper bag resting on the hood.<p>

Could it be she...

"Hey hon." She greets me quietly as I stop in front of her. Then she flushes uncharacteristically and I quirk an eyebrow in question. "I didn't mean to be presuming too much, but I heard you had some stuff to finish, so I thought I'd go home, take a quick shower and get us something for breakfast. You must be beat and plenty hungry. I thought maybe I could come over, we'd eat together and then you can finally get some sleep?"

She's so cute when she becomes this insecure and starts to babble. I press the release on my car keys.

"Presume away, Sofia, as long you get into that car and I can kiss you the moment we've turned a couple of corners. And yes, I'm starving. And yes, I'm exhausted. And you're perfect. And I so wanna sleep with you."

A wide and utterly smug grin splits her face and I realise just how that sounded. She snags the bag off the hood, rips the door open and is settled in the passenger seat before I even manage to round the car. I sink into my seat with a sigh and face her with a sly grin.

"Get over yourself, Curtis. I guess I'll fall asleep over breakfast eventually. I meant sleep as in sleep."

She never stops smiling when I turn the key and back out of the lot and filter into the flow of the late morning traffic, staring over at me with the most adorable twinkle in her blue eyes.

"I know. I just wanna be there. I just wanna hold you."

I let one hand fall off the wheel and reach for hers, entwining our fingers and resting both our hands on her thigh, squeezing lightly.

I don't take the time to stop on the way home for that much needed, yeah, craved kiss. I have serious difficulties concentrating on the road, I'm so tired that I'm eternally grateful for Sofia's non-stop talking, about another case, about her day in general and then anything to keep me from falling asleep including pointing out that next time I should just tell me and she'd drive. At a red light I drag my eyes away from the road I was firmly staring at, without even so much as binking and just look at her. Next time we make our way from work together. She catches my gaze and grins, a contented, happy grin. Once again I'm more than glad that I finally made that decision. This, despite how exhausted I might feel, feels so damn right.

But we barely make it through the door before Sofia tosses our breakfast onto the counter, than grabs me by the lapels of my jacket and pulls me down, our faces just an inch apart.

"Just how tired are you, Sara?" She whispers, her voice full of want, a tone that makes me melt inside.

"I'm dead on my feet, didn't you notice all the way through the ride here?" I reply dryly and honestly, but bring my hands to her hips, my fingertips fluttering over the soft skin just above the waist of her jeans. The tremble that vibrates through her body and the sharp intake of air are magnificent.

She looks into my eyes, longingly and I can't deny her anything when she crashes our lips together and kisses me breathless, aggressively, open-mouthed, pushing our bodies together.

My hands start wandering on their own accord, up her sides, grazing the outsides of her breasts, making her moan into my mouth than up and into her hair, one fisting blonde strains, one gripping her by the neck, thumb caressing her jaw.

"Fia." I mumble onto her lips. "Fia, baby. Please!"

She draws back, breathing hard, her lips still parted. I close my eyes slowly and rest my forehead against hers.

"Baby?" She breathes. "Really, Sara, baby?"

I keep my eyes shut and a smile ghosts over my lips.

"Yeah, really. Do you prefer something else? Not tough enough for you? Does the detective feel patronized by my choice of endearment?"

She chuckles lightly, an amazing sound, time and time again and I will my heavy eyelids to open again.

She closes the distance again and the touch of her lips on mine is softer, but possessive. She cups my face.

"Go take a shower. I'll feed Red and entertain the poor bloke a bit. And then let's have breakfast in bed, this way we can just put the plates aside and fall asleep. I'm not that-" She pauses and stares self-consciously at the floor for a moment. "I didn't wanna pressure you or anything, I just-" Again she stops talking, but I curl my fingers under her chin and force her to meet my eyes while I finish for her.

"I want you, too."

And I peck her on the nose, hug her as close as I can before I scamper off into the bedroom to grab some sleeping clothes and head to the bathroom to take that much needed shower.

* * *

><p>I wake up to something tickling the back of my thighs. Groggily I lift my head off the pillow and cracking my eyes half open stare down at myself. Red's sleeping on his back, pressed again my naked leg and seems to be running in his cat-dream. I chuckle and crane my neck to throw a glance at the bedside clock, it's just past 5PM, I was dead to the world for seven and a half hours straight. Just then I shiver, only now realising that not only the lower part of my body isn't covered anymore, but Sofia has stolen the blanket completely and has tucked it neatly between her legs, her back towards me, her head snuggled into one corner of the duvet, her hands holding on to it tightly. Grouchy, because that is my blanket too and as much as I like to share it with her, I'm also freezing here, robbed of both it and Sofia's body warmth, I poke the fluffy material where I suppose her ribs are. But she just groans and proceeds rolling into an even more diagonal position on the bed, almost pushing me to the very edge and with the involuntary movement of my hip I brush Red off of the mattress, but thankfully he lands very catlike, but not as elegant as one could assume, on his four paws, meows out his disapproval, yawns and vanishes through the bedroom door we left ajar for him.<p>

I poke again. No reaction. At. All. Goose bumps rise on my arms and legs and I shudder. Brrr... I need another solution and that quick. Looking over at my girlfriend, a plan forms in my head. I scoot as close as possible toward the heap of blanket Sofia is buried under and search for the few parts of her body she failed to include in her sushi-roll style blanket theft. Her neck. I brush the cascades of blonde hair to the side, running my fingers through the soft tresses and start delivering gentle kisses to every inch of skin I can reach. A contented hum reaches my ear and even in her sleep Sofia stretches, providing me with more room to explore and taste. I kiss, I run my tongue up the side of her neck, follow the form of the shell of her ear before I carefully take her earlobe between my teeth and start biting down on it. A low moan and bit by bit Sofia untangles herself from the blanket and turns towards me. I grab a corner and keep kissing and nipping, now over her pulse point and her muscles go slack the second I suck at the sensitive skin there. In one quick move I pull and she loses her grasp on the covers completely. I groan out in delight as I slide under the warmed silky material, deliver one last quick kiss to her temple and roll back, taking the blanket completely with me.

"Hey!" Comes her raspy and kinda belated protest. "Did you do that just to steal my warmth? I was so cosy and you were kissing me and now I'm getting cold and I'm not even getting any? Sara!"

I chuckle and pull the cover over my head. That's what you get for leaving me cold and out of your arms, woman. I don't react and maintain my position.

"Sara!" The protest in her voice grows weaker and I can hear a mischievous undertone in the next words she utter.

"Oh very well, Sidle, you're practically begging for revenge. Wait how you'll like a cold washcloth to the face..."

* * *

><p><strong>Like I said, I'm pretty stressed out, so maybe you can make my Sunday morning by giving me a couple of reviews? Coffee and review always go so perfectly together, especially on busy Sundays. Pretty please?<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry it took so long, I tried, but life is quite busy at the moment and will hopefully get even busier soon. That'd be good for me and probably bad for you, since I don't know how much time will be left for writing. So no promises when the next chapter will be ready, I have no bloody idea...**

* * *

><p><strong>5.<strong>

The silence and the dipping of the mattress can't be good. They can't be. I try to listen intently without exposing any part of myself again, but still, nothing.

Then without a sound or fair warning the cover is ripped away and just like I'd been told it would happen I am attacked with a very wet and very cold terry cloth. A strong arm holds me down while the washcloth firmly in Sofia's hand vanishes beneath the hem of my tank and cold moisture is spread all over my abdomen.

I shriek and try to fight her off, my eyes searching for hers, but she grips both my flailing arms and manages to struggle me down, wetness and pressure creeping higher up my body just to halt right beneath my breasts. I gasp as I feel my defense crumble and I almost wish she'd move higher. Finally our glances meet and she has to see it, she has to notice that I just went from scooting away from her to almost arching my body into her touch within seconds. There's amusement in her blues, and curiosity and the same desire I must be conveying with my own eyes.

Ever so slowly her hand travels higher, her eyes still fixated on mine, the dripping washcloth now almost accommodating my body-temperature before she cups my breast with the washcloth, rubs the slightly rough material over and all around it, droplets running down my side and then she pinches my nipple through the fabric.

My breath hitches and my eyes shut of their own accord and with the repetition of the motion a loud moan escapes me.

"Oh my god, Sara, do you have any, any idea just how much I want you right now?"

I will my eyes to open again when all the while she repeats and repeats the pinching, each time a little harder until I groan out and start to struggle against her hold on me again.

"Yeah," I croak out, "I think I do. Uhhh... Lemme go, Fia, I wanna-"

"No!" She breathes out and the urgency in her tone coils through me like a heat wave. She bends down, her lips hovering precariously close over mine, yet I'm not able to catch them, she moves back each time I try. She smirks and whispers onto my lips. "I wanted us to take it slow the first time, really slow, exploring, tasting, discovering everything bit by teasing, meaningful bit. You know what you mean to me, hell we both know this is about so much more than sex. But right now, Sara, with your wrists in my hand, writhing under my touch, I just want you."

Quivering, I know I'll relent. God, I want it just the same. I and most of all my body know exactly what she's talking about.

"Want me, how, Sofia?" I husk into her ear as my head jolts up and then I manage to force that kiss. She dips her tongue into my mouth for just a second, but the fleeting contact still leaves me breathless and craving more.

The washcloth reappears and is thrown carelessly to the side, landing with a splash on my hardwood floor. Sofia tugs at my shirt hem, exposing my stomach and then my breasts.

Her eyes travel over the complete length of my torso, in wonder, hungrily, and her free hand soon follows the path of her eyes. She rests it in the middle of my chest, bracing herself as she leans down again, the glint in her eyes predatory and I swallow while my own eyes dart from her eyes to her lips and back again, waiting for the words to come, daring her with increased struggling against her grip, pushing my body up against hers.

"Right now, I want to fuck you Sara, and I mean that as lovingly as I possibly can. I don't think I can wait any longer, I don't think I'm even able to take it slow anymore."

Her hand moves again, down to the waistband of my sleep shorts and I feel my muscles clenching, my pulse starting to throb between my legs in anticipation.

I don't mind. I really don't. Be smug, Sophie and if you want me, have me, just-

Her palms cups me and one of her fingers sinks deeply into wetness I wasn't even completely aware had been building quite excessively. The second it grazes my clit and I yelp, her mouth crashes down on mine and she swallows the sound in a deep, reckless, rough and completely insane kiss. Her hold on my wrists loosens and I free my arms, my hands instantly find their way into her hair and I hold her to me, fingers wound into blond, long tresses, while my hips lift off of the mattress, meeting her touch.

The kiss slows and she stares at me, intently, as if she was cataloguing my every expression, reaction in awe. Fingers ghost deeper, increasing the contact and I whimper as she starts entering me, gently, knuckle by knuckle, I hold on to her tightly, one hand now curling around her neck and her eyes roll back with a moan as she penetrates me fully, two fingers deep inside me, unmoving, the light pressure delicious, the hunger for movement growing and growing. I start rolling my hips and she seems to snap out of her momentary haze, beaming down at me, kissing me sweetly.

"You're so amazing." She starts to thrust and curls her fingers inside of me. "So fucking amazing, I never, ever want to stop. Never."

She scissors out and with one last calculating glance she plunges into me and I'm instantly feeling much fuller than before, stretched, but not painfully so and I try to suppress a growl.

"Don't! Don't censor yourself, not with me, please baby, don't. Let me hear you, see you."

My eyes snap shut and for a moment I freeze. The tone of her voice, pleading, when she's the one seemingly in control right now, yet she begs me. It usually takes me a while until I can let go like she just asked me to. Until I trust someone so implicitly, so intimately to allow them to see all that of me, to present myself so utterly vulnerable and open.

But I force myself to meet her eyes again and that's what does me in. It's limitless devotion, wordless awe, infinite tenderness I see.

"Okay. It's okay... Keep going."

From then on her eyes do not leave mine for a second. They don't dart to my open mouth, emitting probably more sounds than it ever has, they never stray, she is right there with me until I arch off the bed and scream out.

"Oh my Goooood!" I see her mouth almost more than I actually hear it, though her voice pitches at the last word and stretches it.

She's still inside me while I shudder and tremble, clinging to her body and I'm sure I ripped a couple of hairs out of her scalp when I came.

That's when I see it, her eyes are watering up and tears dare to spill over. I wrap my arms around her back and just hold her, still panting, still little aftershocks are running through my body.

She slowly withdraws and starts kissing my shoulder, my neck, my throat, anywhere she can reach.

"You're incredible, Sara Sidle, simply gorgeous, I thought I knew but I had absolutely no idea. No idea of this, this was just-" She pauses and kisses the corner of my mouth, pulling me even closer, lying half on top of me, our legs entangled, our arms around the other. "Wow!"

For a minute, or even five, we say nothing. We just listen as our heartbeats grow slower and more steady again, our breathing normalises and we bask in each other's warmth.

But it sure is not enough. Not right now.

"Fia?"

"Hmmm?"

I prop myself up on one elbow, letting go of her a bit, shrugging out of my crumpled tank top, then tugging at her shirt.

"I think this has to go, too. Actually, all of your clothes have to go."

She sits and lifts her arms above her head, prompting me to rid her of her shirt.

I do it slowly, fully basking in the sight of her naked, from the waist up, for the first time. I push the cover aside with my foot and they pool in a heap on the floor.

She's beautiful, in just a pair of panties. Curvier than I am, bustier too and running really does wonders for her legs. And she lets me look, no sign of embarrassment, no smug comment, she simply lets me stare, then moves to take the last bit of clothing off, too. I hurry to lose my own shorts and tentatively move closer. I can't explain that sudden shyness, after all it's just minutes ago that I let down even the last of my guards for her.

"Come here." She urges and starts entangling our legs, pulling me towards her until I practically lie on top of her, braced only by my arms beside her shoulders. "You don't crush me, Sara. Stop being so unnecessarily coy. I know you're not and it doesn't suit you."

And wham, she has me again. I lower my body onto hers and the second more skin touches, breasts brush up against each other and my thigh finds its way between her legs, we both gasp.

I am frickin' 35 years old and yet it feels like I am discovering all this for the very first time. Sure, I know the mechanics, I've done this so many times before, I have been in love before, I've had those first times in relationships that mattered, that were serious before, but it just didn't feel like this. I don't want to forget even a single second.

So I just shake my head and dip it down for a kiss. And then Sofia goes and sprawls out underneath me, arms to the side, not touching me, legs spreading wider and she pushes herself into my thigh, she's taking my kiss, her head deep in the pillow, letting me dominate it, swirling her tongue around mine, welcoming me in her mouth, sucking on my tongue and the low, breathy, want-on moan reverberates through my whole body.

It's maddening to have her like this. As much as she's taken charge of the whole situation before, now she gives me just as much of herself as I had dared to give her. I like her like this, wriggling, seeking the contact with my thigh, hands-off.

"You're so beautiful."

Blue eyes beam up at me, self-confidently and yet a hint of a flush appears on Sofia's cheeks. I start kissing my way down her body, inch by inch, pay utmost attention to each and every little spot I find her sensitive, where here moans increase in volume, where she squirms underneath me, linger here and there until she's breathless and her hands reach for my shoulders.

"Jesus, Sara. Please... Stop teasing."

I nuzzle my face into her stomach and grin, then lick over the soft skin just below her hipbone before I bite it, just a little firmer than I had in other places before. She jerks and I scoot lower on the bed, hearing her breath hitch as I continue to kiss down the junction of her thigh and hip, then the inside of said thigh, bypassing the trimmed triangle of hair by less than an inch, but grabbing both her legs and guiding them to lie on my shoulders.

Another thing that freaks me a bit. I've been thinking about this since- to be honest since that heated moment behind the PD. I don't usually go down on someone the very first time we have sex at all. And under different circumstances I wouldn't sleep with someone before having had the talk. Or without any safety at all. Hell, but I'm practically starving for a taste and I know we're safe. We talked about lovers past when I told Sofia about Hanna. So I know. But still, I don't usually do this.

But I can smell her and I can feel my mouth almost watering for her and with one last look up, I let my tongue trail off its path along her thigh and it venture between her folds. She starts off the sheet with a hissed "Oh God, yessss!" and her fist slams into the mattress before she reaches for my hair and pulls me closer. The more I explore, the tighter her hands winds into my hair, her hold on me almost possessive and I can't say I don't like it. I learn quickly what makes her shriek and what moan languidly and as my fingers join my mouth, spreading the moisture around her entrance, her whole body starts to shudder.

"Please, please, Sara! So close, so OH MY GOD!"

I entered her swiftly and smoothly, already feeling that it won't take much more to push her that last bit further and emboldened, I smile around her clit before I suck in quick succession while my fingers piston in and out of her at a quick pace. Her muscles strain, her grip in my hair becomes quite painful, her legs press into the sides of my head and her fingers dig into my shoulder, she pushes into my thrusts hard, losing her rhythm bit by bit until she bucks uncontrollably. I still increase my efforts, amplifying her orgasm, drawing it out, teasing her and by the sound of her "Oh, fu-u-u-ck!" and her try to wriggle out of reach, almost torturing her now.

Incomprehensible words escape her mouth, paired with yelps and groans and the occasional swear word and I withdraw my fingers, my hands fly to her hips, holding her to my mouth tightly as my tongue keeps circling and flicking her clit, again and again and suddenly she screams out, her whole body tense and practically suspended midair in a surprising second release before she falls limply into the sheets and I show her mercy.

* * *

><p><strong>Wipes sweat off brow. These scenes are a challenge, time and time again... <strong>

**Thanks for reading...**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, a new one. I'm fighting with a bit of a block at the moment. What, you ask, she just wrote a completely new story for Lost Girl... Whom is she shittin...? Erm, no one, I just seem to be part-blocked on both CSI and totally blocked on Rizzoli & Isles right now. Cannot get a decent chapter together. I once again read too much really good stuff and my feeling of inadequacy weighs me down a bit I think. But still, I hope you like...**

* * *

><p><strong>6.<strong>

We shouldn't have done that before work. None of it all. I'm not gonna think about that shower. I'm not gonna think about it, not gonna... Damn!

And of course we had to be assigned to the same case.

And of course it's a warm night, her sleeves are rolled up to the elbows - to have such forearms should be prohibited by law - her sunglasses are hooked into the front of her light blue shirt that's unbuttoned almost down to her sternum and I know, I know that one extra button is for me. Because she looked straight at me when she stepped out of her cruiser and saw me arrive at the scene, with the same smile she'd worn when she slammed the front door of my apartment shut as we actually wanted to leave and pushed me up against it.

We barely had a minute to spare after that. There wasn't even time to drive by Sofia's so she could change, gladly she was smart enough to leave her badge at weapon at the PD and always has at least two sets of clothes in her locker.

While I wait that the officers clear every corner of the two-story house, I walk over to her.

"Have you got any plans for the morning, Detective?"

She looks up from her notes and half frowns, half grins at me.

"Actually, I do, CSI Sidle. I wanted to tell you later, but since you're asking..." She cringes and reaches into her pocket to produce a toothpick and unwraps it slowly. As it has found firm purchase between her teeth she looks at me with a pained expression. "I have a dentist appointment. At nine. And I think all I will want to do afterwards is curl up on my couch with an ice-pack on my cheek and watch some movie. They're gonna remove a wisdom tooth. Three came when I was about twenty, and this one took its time and kinda started protesting two weeks ago. It's gotta go."

I wince in heart-felt sympathy.

"Urgh. But hey, I could come over and keep you company. Bring you a fresh ice-pack every half hour. Cook some broth maybe."

Her reaction is simply a shrug. She gulps and stares at the crime scene. Then back at me.

"I don't know, Sar. I think you should rather just drive home and get some hours of decent sleep. I'm not really sociable when I'm in pain and the anesthesia always does funny things to me."

Without even waiting for my reply, she starts walking towards the officers who've just returned, then waves that the scene is cleared and we can proceed.

* * *

><p>I really don't know what to make of this. We practically spent every minute of the past days together. Is it too much already? Am I imposing with my offer to look after her? Overbearing? I don't like it either when people fuss over me when I'm sick, but I'm not people or the sometimes annoying member of the family who wants to check on you, I'm her girlfriend. I don't mind that she'll be foggy, won't be able to talk much and will probably fall asleep on the couch some time.<p>

But there's no time to mull over this, there's a crime scene to work and a mother of three lying dead in the living room, stabbed.

And honestly this looks kinda familiar.

My suspicions are confirmed, the husband killed the wife. The more evidence I collect, the closer I look at the rooms, the pictures, everything, the more complete my picture gets.

These are the days I hate my job. I hate to see people having gone through a similar fate than I have. Those boys are all not even ten.

I forbid myself to think about it. The consequences...

I simply do my job and return to the lab as quickly as I can. I'm solo on this, I can't even let someone else process and draw the conclusions.

Sofia's glance followed me around the house, I felt it on my back and though I only told her some odds and ends from my past, she seems to gauge that this case hits pretty close to home.

She approaches me twice and both times I brush her off. It's not even about the disinvitation from earlier, I just don't want to talk about anything before I'm done with this case. In fact I just don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna get this over with and go home. Somehow the timing with her appointment is perfect. I just wanna be alone.

* * *

><p>Hours later I am sitting on my couch, the bowl of cereals on the coffee table before me untouched and turning soggy, the TV on mute. Red is sleeping beside me and I mindlessly pet him, he purrs in response and it loosens the knot I feel in my chest a little bit.<p>

Why will I never be over this? Why does it always weigh me down like a bit fat anchor when I catch cases that have to do with domestic violence, parents being killed in front of their children or generally abuse on kids. Why do I still lose my focus, my professional eye? Of course I do treat the case professionally, but I feel too much. I turned out okay. I have never shown any signs that I have a disposition towards violence, I never had a real drinking problem, I just sometimes indulge, you could say. I took great care it doesn't happen too often. I have never felt the urge to lash out physically in an argument, nor would I ever hurt a kid. Never. I can't even...

Fuck.

Last night, this morning was one of the best, most beautiful and content moments in my life. And not even 24 hours later I'm sitting alone in my apartment, drinking beer and dare to burst out in tears every second.

Will I have to live with this for the rest of my life? Will it ever stop? Mentally, I processed it all, rationalised it, I'm over it. But emotionally- I can still feel the blows, the hits, the belt. I can still hear the cracking sound it made when my arm broke as I was shoved into the kitchen counter. I can still smell the cheap scotch on my father's breath as he yelled at me. I can smell it right now.

My phone vibrates beside my bowl and I don't even care to look who's calling. I'm not available right now, for nothing and no one. I just wanna sleep.

Almost having finally snoozed off, I surge up again. In that half-sleep state a sudden realisation has formed. All of this hasn't affected me as much as today in a pretty long time. Sure, I can never just nonchalantly brush over it and treat such a case like any other, but now I know where the difference lies.

The tiny bits and pieces I told Sofia in Marty's bar were kind of a preparation to opening up to her. To doing exactly what I was always most afraid of when it came to relationships. It was just the same when I began revealing my past to Hanna. It took me weeks to get it all out and during those I was overly sensitive, I jumped at every unanticipated touch, I went nuts over cases like today's, I couldn't sleep without starting every half hour and I often escaped to the couch, I couldn't bear how she tried to soothe me, her embraces suffocated me.

I don't want this again. I just don't. I just want to put these memories back into the box they belong in, lock them back into some faraway recesses of my brain and go about my business as usual.

But on the other hand I have never felt the urge to have someone know me, all of me as much as with Sofia. I want to trust her with this.

She is the first partner I have with a background in law enforcement. She has seen it all and though she acts so tough and cool, she's one of the most emphatic people I know. So she has to understand.

My thoughts spin inside my head.

It's too early.

How the hell can I even know whether there'll still be a 'we' a couple of weeks from now?

Just because I _want_ it to be?

Just because _I_ feel we have so much future ahead of us?

Because, God help me, I am falling so _damn hard_ for this woman?

Just because I wanna get this over with so my life can get back to normal?

How can so much freaking stuff happen in so few hours?

I pick up my cell and finally check the caller ID from earlier. It was her. A call and a text.

_Sara, I know I was a little harsh earlier, but I also know that something else is going on. Talk to me. Don't shut me out. I know it's new and __probably all a little too much, but I'm here. Call me. S._

It's typical she doesn't apologise. And it's kinda okay. Next time she should just try and formulate my retreat differently. Or simply use words at all instead of giving her the cold shoulder. It's not that she wouldn't understand. At least I think she will.

I don't wanna shut her out. But I'm afraid of her reaction. I cannot stand to be smothered with sympathy and pity. Though Sofia isn't the pitying kind. She will give me the space I need. Will she?

Frustrated, I take the bowl and the empty beer bottles and take them into the kitchen. It's almost noon. I really need to try and get some sleep.

But then there's a knock on my door.

I ground my teeth and pause in the middle of my living room. No, not right now. Dammit. I hang my head and give in, staggering towards the door and check through the peephole.

Sofia.

She looks miserable, her cheek is swollen and slightly red and it seems likely she could fall asleep standing.

I open up, but remain standing on the threshold.

"You've been crying." She says as she looks up.

I haven't. Have I? I can't recall. Maybe I actually have, I'm honestly not surprised I didn't even notice it.

Her eyes are serious, but warm. There's hesitation in them and insecurity, and I adore her for not trying to hug me instantly.

"If you need me to go, Sara, I'll go. Because I am in fucking pain and I don't want to argue with you, I just wanted to see if you'd see me. I mean-" She pauses and rolls her eyes. Her speech is a bit slurred and the right half of her face does barely move while she's talking. That tooth must have been a real bitch. "It was me who said that I wanted to be alone today. But then the case happened and I can only puzzle those few pieces together and make an educated guess, but... Are you okay? You don't look okay."

"I love it when you start rambling like that."

I hadn't planned to say that. That just escaped. How will always be outside my understanding.

"I hate it when you make me smile when I really don't want to." Sofia quips back, a truly lopsided, small smile playing on her lips.

"I'm not okay. And I can't-" I stop myself right there. No prevarications. Not this time. "I don't want to talk about it."

I know what kind of picture this must be for her. I am still blocking the doorway and now I'm telling her I'm not alright and don't even wanna talk about it. Am I making a test out of this? To see how she reacts? If I did, then I did it completely subconsciously.

So I add, softer.

"Not yet."

She stares at me and bites her lip. Swallows. Breathes through her mouth. That's when I see her eyes water up. The first tear spills over and she immediately takes a step back and lowers her head.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles, the drops now running down her cheeks.

I'm sorry, I can't do this?

I'm sorry, I don't think I can put up with you?

I'm sorry, let's better break this off before it will really hurt?

Now I am close to tears.

I hate this day. Officially hate it.

"What are you sorry for, Fia?" I hesitantly probe.

She sniffs and looks up at me.

"I'm sorry, that _I_ go all emotional on you. It's just-" She wipes the moisture from her cheeks with her shirtsleeve. "The anesthesia... I can see you trying. For me. This is happening because of me. If it weren't for me, you'd be quite fine right now, wouldn't you?"

"Probably."

"See? So thank you. And I'm sorry. I'm gonna go. Before I make even more of a fool of myself. Try to get some sleep, Sar. I'll see you tonight."

"You understand?"

"I don't. Not really, how could I? But I can see, Sara. Though I am sure we'd both sleep better having the other close, today just doesn't seem to be the day, huh?"

I close my eyes for a second and nod.

"Yeah..."

"Go to bed. And I need to go and see an icepack to my face or I'll look like Mike Tyson tonight. But can I-?" Again she hesitates. But the look in her eyes tells me all I need to know.

It isn't at all hard to feel her in my arms this very moment. Much the opposite. I'm not so sure anymore that I want to let her go. I bend down and kiss her, softly, carefully and she tries to back away.

"Hey, that's gross. I'm pretty sure I'm drooling and only the left side of my mouth actually feels something."

But I'm already kissing her again.

"I don't care at all." I mumble onto her lips. "I'll never let you go anywhere I'm not without a kiss. I'll work this out, Fia." She kisses me back, it's sloppy and emotional, and exactly what I didn't know I needed. So much.

"No, we'll work it out. And believe me, you're not the only one with issues."

I press my nose into her cheek and inhale, deeply.

"I'll see you later."

She turns her head and places one last kiss on my jaw.

"Yeah, later."

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, the rose-tinted glasses are off.<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**I apologise for disappearing off the grid for so long. This update has been a long time coming, and though it was frighteningly easy to write, I cannot make any promises that its uncomplicated birth has managed to completely suck me back into the writing frame of mind. Too much is going on right now to make such foolish promises that I'd most certainly have to break.**

**Enjoy it while it lasts. I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving this behind unfinished. IT's jsut gonna take as much time as it takes.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

It's late afternoon. I haven't been able to sleep at all. Not that I expected to, but the utter exhaustion that weighs me down by now is more than I think I can stand.

I don't want to feel weak again. All my life I fought to find the strength inside of myself to not let the bad rule all the good I managed to accomplish over the years.

And lately I've felt miserable enough for way too long. I just found a reason that makes it all worthwhile, so very worthwhile again.

So I lie in my bed and stare up at the ceiling, thinking about Sofia.

Today, she did everything just so perfectly right that it's almost scary. She didn't push, she just observed, she stated her frighteningly correct observations, offering solace, but never argued when I just couldn't accept it that very moment. And most of all she didn't lie. She said she didn't understand and she truly couldn't. She treated me with guarded openness, no pity was visible in her eyes, not even for a second. And I hate to be pitied.

Today, she has been perfect.

Something like that could eventually be expected from someone who has shared years with a significant other, when time has taught them to read every expression, every look, every gesture, movement, any change in body language there is to detect. We've been together for days only.

Suddenly I start off the cushion in realisation. I have never actually asked her just how long she has been in love with me yet. It might as well have been more that the weeks since that night at the bar, it must have started way earlier, weeks, months earlier for all I know. She _does_ know all these things. The expressions, the gestures. Of course she does. She's been watching me, taxing me, learning about me, seeing bit by bit all the things you notice when you feel yourself beginning to fall in love with someone. And she has had lots of opportunities. Adding all the time we spent together those past weeks. As friends. I already let her see so much, now I only have to find the words to tell her. All of it.

It's both a comforting and still a slightly creepy thought. Of course she cares, obviously has for a long time. But at the same time I hate being scrutinised so closely without my explicit consent. Hell, even without my knowledge. But then, it was- it is Sofia. And I do know her, too, as well as can be after the amount of time we spent together. Her guard is lower than mine, but it is there. Like last night, when the newness of this whole thing crashed down on us for the first time. It sure won't be the last.

The thing is, she trusts me enough to tell me, just like she did, it's only taken her a couple of hours to come clean and apologise, to talk such situations through with me and be perfectly honest. Omission is sometimes just as bad as an outright lie.

I have no fucking idea how long it will take me to tell her.

I want to. I know what I felt when she stood in front of me this morning, and while it's scaring the shit out of me, I can feel it growing with every passing second. She said she can't promise me forever, that life isn't a fairytale. I do know that, and I'd never make the promise myself. But I want this to last. I don't ever wanna start all over again. I don't ever wanna reach such a low point like I did during the past few months again. Not ever.

The overwhelming sense of home I feel with Sofia has blindsided me, but I know I want it more than I dare to.

Even as I wonder, I can feel myself falling deeper.

I wish she was right here with me, in this mood I'm in I could do it, I could just open my mouth and start talking an never stop until I've gotten it all out, probably cried myself out, too, and I know, I know with a certainty I have never known that she will be there to catch me. She wouldn't run, she wouldn't distance herself and she would never be afraid of me.

It's that certainty that makes me get up and start getting ready for the night ahead.

We will talk. And probably sooner than I anticipated.

* * *

><p>When I see her I know she has been running, and running hard judging from the amount of sweat collecting on her upper lip and above her brows, running down the sides of her face, matting some stray blond hairs to her skin, her almost heaving breaths and her stance, one hand pressed into her side.<p>

She catches my gaze while I lift my kit out of the trunk of my Denali, and for the very first time in my professional career I cannot repress the decidedly unprofessional thoughts that invade my mind, despite our argument, despite the waves of turmoil that run through me about all that we have yet to put behind us. I stop mid-motion and simply continue staring, giving my rattled brain a few seconds to comprehend the rush of desire that just ambushed me.

Her still swollen jaw must ache like hell, and to my initial dread, in addition to it she's also sporting a fresh bruise at her temple, and I can practically watch the big shiner grow around her eye. But they both glitter with barely contained fury, the tendons at her neck straining as she gulps in air, her free hand clenching into a fist at her side. Oh god... I realise now just how much her being a cop actually turns me on. But it's not just the physicality she throws into it, it's her mindset, her sense of justice, her dedication. Though right now, I honestly just want to pull her into a soundproof room, gently kiss the bruise that's starting to colour an angry reddish purple, have those fierce eyes bore into my soul. I'd let her have me against a wall right there, sweaty, movements constricted by tight pants, not even bothering to shove them down, I realise I want that untamed Sofia fucking Curtis 'I just took a blow to the head, ran five miles and still the fucking bastard escaped' to let it all out, on me.

She can see it in my eyes, I know she can as she gulps and turns an interesting shade of red.

I make a point of circling her widely as I approach the scene, and though she's already in a heated discussion with Det. Vega, her eyes snap back to me again and again until I disappear through the main entrance of the building.

Inside I almost welcome the stench of drying blood in the stale air, it shocks me back into normalcy, and while my eyes adjust to the dusty twilight and promptly start scanning the rugged hardwood floors for signs of evidence, I manage to reclaim my faculties and turn fully into work-mode.

Still while thoroughly processing the ground level my thoughts wander off, time and again.

I understand physical attraction, I know the urgency it can possess during the explorational phase of a brand new relationship. But I've never felt like this. I never had my blood boil with just one look I took at the other person. I used to make fun of people who objectified, even sexualised someone's profession. I have certainly never been turned on by danger. And that's essentially what throws me the most. Of all people, I should know best about the dangers in our professions in law enforcement. While that of the CSI's is usually predictable, that of cops certainly is not. I've seen it happen far too often, we've mourned too many losses for me to be any casual about it, much less have it affect me like it just did. It's not... what I should feel about it. I should've felt the need to rush over to her and ask her if she's okay, scold her for taking risks, which she obviously tends to do, and her running after a suspect with an automatic while she was still a CSI and her state today are just two indicators. I should have wanted to tend to her wounds, get her somewhere safe. I don't want her hurt, I don't want her chasing after armed killers, but still... The mere sight of her like that...

She could do so much damage to me, and I would let her.

I almost drop the fingerprint powder as I'm startled out of my contemplation by my phone vibrating at my hip. I curse the dim lighting in the room as I fumble to find a spot I've already cleared from bearing traces of the crime to put my equipment down, strip off the purple glove and unclasp the offending device. I don't bother looking at the caller ID, mad at myself for being so distracted I get rattled out of my musings by a phone call in the first place.

"Sidle!" I state curtly, albeit a bit sourly.

"I want you, too." she rasps into my ear, her breathing still shallow, but now I can't be sure anymore if it's from exertion or excitement. I take a look around to make sure no one's in close vicinity of me before I even think of replying, but she beats me to it. "I could practically see the wheels turning in your head, Sara, but let me assure you, I wanted nothing more than to pull that case out of your grasp and get you somewhere alone. I know I shouldn't have felt that way. With the suspect having escaped and the mess he left behind for us to sort out..." She sighs, deeply, and I shiver unvoluntarily at the sound. "But the way you looked at me, I can still feel it all over. I know we have to talk, and we will, but I want to see you after shift, no matter if it takes well into the morning, and I don't want to think about yesterday or anything else then, I just want you."

I expel a huff of air which I've apparently been holding in while she was talking and a groan escapes me. I get a sultry chuckle in response.

"Do you have any idea what you just did to me?" I whisper into the phone, still mindful of my surroundings.

"Yes, I think I have an idea." She replies, her tone dark and challenging.

I know this is still so new, but complicated can wait for another day, I feel utterly convinced to up the ante.

"Can I be blunt?" I ask.

"Yes, please."

"You like this tension?"

"Oh yeah!" Her voice takes on a breathy quality and I'm glad she's not anywhere close to me right now.

"You want to know what I was thinking when I saw you?" The innocent tone in my voice belies the tremour that runs through the rest of me.

Now it's her turn to gasp. "Yes! Tell me. Tell me everything."

Still I hesitate. I am terribly close to talking dirty to my brand new girlfriend on my work phone. Though all the evidence points at Sofia loving to indulge in this, doubts invade my mind. If it hadn't been for the last day, if this was yesterday morning I wouldn't think twice. But now...

"Sara. Don't censor yourself. I told you I want you. I can deal with bluntness. I love the way I react to you. Maybe, right now, I love it a bit too much. I'm running on adrenaline and pain meds and I'm afraid I'll crash any minute. I need to hear this. Trust me, Sar. It's okay. Tell me. Or I'll start..."

When I contemplate her words, her strange knowledge of what just stopped me from taking it one step further a second too long, she's at it again.

"I want to fuck you." I clench my eyes shut as arousal washes over me anew. "I want to see the sweat building on your skin, I wanna hear you wheeze and moan, and I wanna make you come all over me. And then I want you to return the favour. Deep and hard and relentless, Sara. I want you inside me so badly."

"Sofia..."

"It's okay. I'm right there with you. I know you need to think. But I also know you already know. I see you at your place, say try eight?"

I might have just fallen for her all over again.

"Not a minute later unless..." I press out.

"Done! Unless, yeah, there are developments that cannot wait." She simply says, and hangs up.

I take a deep, deep breath and give myself five minutes to run the conversation through my head again. It seems like our slow start is turning into an avalanche, thundering down a mountainside very quickly, dodging the rocks in place there almost too effortlessly.

I can't say I don't like it. I really think complicated should wait some.

Getting back into the diligence required of work is not half as difficult as I expected it to be. I make thorough and fast work of the scene, knowing what waits for me.

* * *

><p>By the time I logged in all the evidence, wrote the report and ran through the prelim it's already way past seven and work has dulled the burning need from the beginning of the night down to a slow simmer. Even more so because I got pulled off the other case from the day before, I already had a sneaking suspicion when Grissom handed me the slip for the DB from earlier, stating I could fly solo and then check in later on the murdered Mom of three. I got pulled because of my reaction, and someone must have told him. I know it wasn't Sofia, she'd never do that, she'd let me work through my demons, knowing that as much as I could use with some distance, I also need the closure of breaking such a case wide open and nailing the culprit. My bet is on Brass. But I let it slide, for today. I make a mental note though to talk to him sometime soon.<p>

I clock out and make my way down to the parking lot, my footsteps echoing through the open concrete space, rustling up little dust clouds in the clear light of a particularly sunny morning in Vegas.

The car door closes heavily as I settle into the driver's seat, and as I grip the steering wheel I notice my hands are sweaty, and shaking lightly. I welcome the nervousness. In the past it would have stoked me, petrified me even, but today I just turn the key in the ignition and lean into the already hot leather of the SUV, preparing for the ride home through irritating morning traffic.

It's five to eight when I arrive, and Sofia is already leaning against the brick wall beside my building's front door, she obviously hasn't bothered changing, the knees of her black dress pants are scuffed and she looks ragged and exhausted, but also radiant despite the now significantly swollen black eye she's sporting.

She doesn't move as I exit the car and make my way toward her. She just grabs my hand, I beep us through the door and we rush toward my apartment. Inside, it's me who instigates the first bruising kiss.

She grows slack underneath my iron grasp at her collar, and I love her instant surrender more than I dare to admit, but I have to get a few things out of the way first.

"We're not talking about yesterday, okay?"

She mumbles her agreement onto my questing lips.

"I hate that you can get under my skin like that, I hate that slow is out of the question, I hate that I get off on you being reckless when I should be scared and tearing you a new one for it. I hate that I wanna lick that bruise, I hate that I could eat you up right now, I hate what you fucking do to me!"

I wonder how I even managed to talk that much all in-between sloppy, wet kisses.

"Do you still hurt? Did he get you anywhere else?"

Sofia catches my lower lip between her teeth and tugs, effectively shutting me up there for a second. Then it's her turn.

"You love it, Sar. And I love sex-crazed you. I adore you. So we skip a couple of steps, so what? Do you have any idea how long I've been wanting you? Yes, it took time and it still is gentle and real, but this..." Despite having less leverage she manages to kick my legs apart and grinds her thigh into me. I try to supress a moan. "This is just as real. We're human, we're here, together and I want you, and I'm not gonna be ashamed about it. So don't you dare be."

She rubs up against me again and this time I groan into her mouth.

"Oh, yes!" She hisses as my hands make their way down her front, over her breasts and down to cling to her ribcage. "I assure you I don't feel much pain right now." Sofia utters with another sharp gasp.

Suddenly it occurs to me that she just adressed a question that's been lodged in my head, and I tear my lips away from hers, albeit with difficulty.

"How long has it really been, Sofia?"

"Huh?"

Her pupils are dilated so much that the enticing blue has almost completely disappeared.

"For how long have you wanted this, us, together? When did you fall in love with me?"

Slowly her head lolls back and hits the wood of my door softly.

"A while ago, Sara." She says, suddenly very sober in light of where our activities were headed.

"How long?" I don't want to let her get away with such an imprecise answer.

She breathes in deeply and clears her throat, and I try my best to put a minute amount of space between our bodies and give her room to realise that I want an honest answer.

"I knew you were in a relationship, even though you tried to keep it private. I knew I didn't stand a chance, I would never have said anything if you'd stayed happy and in good hands. You really seemed genuinely happy, and so I was happy for you. We talked about this before, you know? We weren't friends at the time, we barely spoke other than on cases, but you- just got to me. And at first it was just physical. I fucking dreamt of you, Sar. Crazy, insanely erotic stuff and I have never felt more ashamed of myself having to face you after a night full of you." She blushes, and I get it. Oh, I do... "Then I realised that that wasn't all. You intrigued me. It didn't go away, it wasn't just infatuation, wasn't just a crush. That was when everything went downhill for you, I was so sentisised that I immediately noticed. When I felt that I wanted to comfort you so badly, make it better at least somehow, no matter if it hurt me, I knew I was already in way too deep." Only then did she look up and faced me. "It's been about a year now."

I truly, honestly didn't know what to say. So I dipped down again and kissed her, this time not with the desire we both had been harbouring all night, but with whole depth of my feelings. I knew she could tell, but at the same time I felt her soak up every ounce of this softness, her kiss became more urgent.

I could do something with that.

"What have we been doing in those dreams of yours?" I inquired, losing the sincerity in that sensual kiss of hers.

"You don't really wanna know." She rasps, her voice taking on a quality I can't quite seem to get enough of, judging by my body's response.

Gently I tug at her shirt, bringing her close to me once more.

"You told me to not be ashamed. So spill."

This demure side of her didn't fit the picture she had me conjuring up all day, which made me wanna skip all these other thoughts.

"It's too early, Sar. We've already been stretching the lines very thinly today after..."

I shut her up the most effective way I know how. I'm not afraid anymore. We'll work this out.

"I'm not gonna regret it, if that's what you're afraid of."

Suddenly, our positions are reversed so smoothly I didn't even see it coming. My back crashes against the door and Sofia is up in my face.

"Sara, fantasy and reality are two very different things. We can do this, somewhere along the way. When we've both grown into this thing. Quick release and want is not spilling your beans to your girlfriend of 48 hours about how you dreamt of sexing her up when she was still someone else's to love."

I hadn't even thought about it that way, but she was right.

Sofia just nodded as she saw the awareness in my eyes.

"I need to take a shower. I smell and I feel like I've been dragged across gravel."

"Did I kill the mood?"

How am I always getting it wrong somehow?

But Sofia brushes my insecurities away with a lewd and completely ridiculous smile.

"Oh no, you didn't. Wild horses couldn't keep me away from you tonight." She chuckles, and gives me a once over that instantly makes me sweat, all the while I shake my head at her choice of words.

"You quoting bad song lyrics at me now?" I laugh, and gently trace the outlines of her bruise.

"If it gets you into the shower with me?"

I have never had someone touch me like that. Everywhere at once, soft and firm, gentle and demanding, reverently, thoroughly, reaching right into me and tenderly forcing me to settle into this newfound hunger with ease. When I finally come undone after what feels like the most expert teasing that's ever been inflicted on me, Sofia seems to be everywhere at once again, catching me, enveloping me, pulling me with her to the bed where we slow down the pace and start all over again.

If I thought our first time together was intense, this beats it so effortlessly it almost scares me.

I'm deep within her when she chokes out a low-pitched, languid moan and flies apart underneath me, while struggling to keep her eyes open to let me see what I've just been doing to her. It's raw and real, and beautiful. She doesn't need to prove anything to me, and yet she does.

We lie side by side on the bed, facing each other, holding each other's gaze, but neither of us has uttered a syllable for quite some time. There's a crack in the curtains, and the warm mid-morning sunlight casts a straight line across the bed, falling diagonally over Sofia's bare stomach, and I watch her breathing slow bit by bit. I finally break the silence, my need for honesty after this day overwhelming me.

"I didn't know I could want someone this much. Is it too much? Are you feeling that I'm only with you because I desire you so damn bad? I-" A forefinger shushes me gently, interrupting my rambly thoughts.

She turns onto her side and the light is now a curving across her hip. She's beautiful. I can only stare, though I've just kissed every spot, dark and light, every time I look at her now it hits me like the first time I felt that attraction towards her.

"I know you're not. I know you're already thinking about tomorrow, and the day after that and the months, hell probably years for all I know. Trust me, I feel the same. I thought I was over the infatuation stage, that once you finally said yes to me I could just go at this easy, with patience, take it one day at a time and see where it leads."

"Yet here we are." I add.

"Yes, here we are. It's not a bad thing to desire, and to feel desired in return. It has been a long time since I've felt like this. I'm not even too sure if I ever have. I know I'm not just a fling to you, can you please stop worrying about that? All your fuss about even jumping into the flame an now you really question whether I interpret your intentions right? Seriously Sara!"

I chuckle low and instantly flash back to the night at Marty's. It kind of feels much longer ago than it actually is.

Knuckles caress my cheek lovingly, then her fingertips wipe the hair from off my forehead.

"We're both wanting the same thing here, Sar. We want to be together, sort out all our differences, get behind things, understand each other, get to know all the flaws and insecurities and push them out of the way. We wanna be realistic, and see where this will go. How far and for how long. But there simply is no denying that we seriously have the hots for each other, first and foremost."

I chuckle at her colloquialism, and she smirks her trademark grin.

Reaching out to touch too, I pull her closer.

"I don't want to deny it." My fingers trail down her chest, now also bathed in light, her physical reaction to my caress instantly visible. She is simply gorgeous. And right. Of course she is.

"I just don't know how it fits us."

She exhales sharply as my fingers tweak a nipple.

"Perfectly." She mutters, arching into my touch. "I'm done holding back. I'm done denying myself what I want and need. I've done that in the past, and it blew up in my face everytime. I'm not gonna do that with you, to you. I'm gonna tell you everything. Ask for anything I feel like asking for. You can always say it's too much, or you don't like it. You can always put a hold on things. Just promise me not to stop."


End file.
